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There is a tale about a Chameleon who, while wandering one day, came across some birds perched on a tree branch, singing. Impressed by their singing abilities, he aspired to be like them. In an attempt to emulate the birds, he began changing his color. Once he successfully changed his color to match theirs, he tried singing like them, only to realize he couldn't. Observing this, a wise old bird among the group smiled and advised the chameleon, "Hey little Chameleon, don't strive to be like us. Changing your color will never grant you the qualities of another being. Embrace your uniqueness! Your gift of changing color is what others admire and seek to imitate." There are numerous factors that drive our urge to conform. The primary three reasons are,
The fear of rejection:
Most of us grow up in imperfect families, experiencing childhood challenges like abandonment, insecurity, unjust punishment, and the fear of losing loved ones. When our needs are not met, it can lead to deep-seated feelings of insecurity, mistrust, and fear, laying the groundwork for a fear of rejection. These issues can manifest as low self-esteem, social anxiety, and a relentless pursuit of perfection to seek validation from others. Struggling to cope with potential rejection, we may sacrifice our individuality to fit in and gain approval from our community.
Social Pressure:
Feelings of rejection and a lack of self-confidence often result in succumbing to peer, friend, and community pressure. Frequently, we encounter conflicting values within the group, some of which may be detrimental and result in negative consequences. Nevertheless, the desire for acceptance, a solution to our low self-esteem, and a longing for inclusion compel us to conform to the wishes and interests of our friends. The prevalent culture of instant gratification plays a significant role in shaping our mindset. Whether through everyday product advertisements or educational content, we are constantly exposed to messages that promote a lifestyle centered around immediate satisfaction. The pressure to conform to this way of living can undermine our beliefs in personal values and life principles, dismissing them as outdated. According to this new paradigm, individuality, uniqueness, and higher purposes are deemed irrelevant compared to the pursuit of instant gratification. Embracing this ideology can lead us to unwittingly conform to the standards set by a small percentage of corporate entities, despite the irony that those who advertise often lead unconventional lives while promoting conformity in their messaging.
Lack of Awareness:
Why do we often stumble? It is usually because we are either completely clueless or confused about our own identity, values, and strengths. When we struggle to establish our own principles or fail to consider the consequences, we tend to conform in order to seek approval, acceptance, and validation. We lack the belief that our own values, beliefs, and standards are sufficient to impress a positive community, friends, or colleagues. At times, we develop defense mechanisms to avoid facing uncomfortable truths about ourselves or our lives. We choose to ignore self-reflection and past experiences, resulting in a poor understanding of ourselves. The more we focus on others, the more we feel the need to conform, finding it difficult to recognize anything worthwhile in our own lives for which we could be appreciated.
The impact:
We lose our individuality
We make poor decisions
We lose our critical thinking ability
We acquire behavioral issues
We fall into wrong relationships / too many relationships / broken relationships
We lose interest in our career and future
We lack personal growth
We suffer from mental health issues
What actions should we take?
Cultivate Self-awareness: We must address two fundamental questions. Firstly, why do we tend to conform so easily? This inquiry should delve into our upbringing, beliefs, self-esteem, as well as the positive and negative experiences we've encountered. Once we grasp the underlying reasons, we must take steps to rectify them. Merely understanding the root cause will initiate the healing process. Secondly, we need to define our personal standards. This involves evaluating our strengths, values, guiding principles, aspirations, and desires. To uncover genuine answers, we might need to challenge our assumptions, seek wisdom from books and conversations, and engage in deep reflection. These practical measures will dispel the confusion clouding our minds and provide clarity. Once we establish our standards, we should commit to living by them consistently.
Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God - what is good and pleasing to Him and is perfect.
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